If you're a military wife, you...

keep your phone by you all the time and hope for it to ring

jump a little when someone knocks on the door

know how much emotion one particular color of ribbon can bring

are acutely aware of what's being reported in the news

are personally affected by political decisions

actually miss having someone to clean up after

don't get angry at your husband if he doesn't call all day, but instead try to ignore the worries that start creeping in

have found the love of you're life, but still find yourself lonely at home at night

Inbetween

I did not write this, but it's beautiful and a great read. I found it on a friend's facebook wall, but apparently it's from a devotional book.

There's a place between here and there. A piece of ground in the middle of take-off and landing. A section of the unknown within beginning and ending. You probably find yourself there from time to time. It's the land known as Inbetween.

Inbetween is one of the most rugged places in life. You aren't fully here, and you aren't fully there. Your emotions and hopes are strewn across an endless list of possibilities. Door knobs of wood, brass, and silver line the path, but which will open? In the land of Inbetween, the paths are lined with sealed envelopes and foggy dreams. Excitement runs forward and fears hold back. And if you stay long enough, you feel the tremors of your soul.

The land of Inbetween is downright scary. It's a place of blind trust. It's where the pedals of faith meet the narrow road of fortitude and where movement is demanded though there's no place to go. The worst part of this land isn't the uncertainty or frustration that accompany it - it's that God likes it when you're there.

While He's no sadist, God loves the land of Inbetween. He loves what it does to us. He loves the humility and dependence it creates in our hearts, so He creates innumerable forks in life's road that swerve us into the land of Inbetween. The unknowns of job, marriage, children, and home are the signs of this uncertain land. At times, people are thrust into Inbetween by mishaps, accidents, sudden deaths, and even unexpected fortune. Some people visit so many times they begin to wonder if it's life. And they aren't far off.

So what will hold you steady when you walk through the terrain of Inbetween? A recognition that Inbetween is God's design. In one miraculous moment, the Creator of the universe placed you in the greatest Inbetween of all time - the place between the earthly creation and eternity. Life's smaller lunges forward and backward are merely postcard reminders that there's something greater than this place we're visiting.

If you're in your own land of Inbetween, remember that God was the original designer of this journey. You can get mad, scream, and even pout if you want. But it doesn't change the fact that you're merely passing through. Everything else is Inbetween. (from Deeper Walk, a Relevant Devotional Series)

"every day is one day closer"

That one thought- that each day is a day closer to when my husband comes home- is what keeps me going. It doesn't matter if I have a great day or a bad one, a productive day or a day like today where all I do is sleep! No matter how much I accomplish or how much I fail, every day a day passes. And that is great news when you're going through a deployment.

One thing has been in the back of my mind a lot the last few weeks. I notice that so many military wives have great faith that their husband will stay safe and will not be hurt or killed overseas. Of course, every one of us with a loved one deployed has fears that they will but hurt or killed, but some women I talk to seem to feel sort of invincible to this. One of my friends who is an Army wife read a book on Psalm 91 and said she had complete confidence afterwards that her husband would stay safe and God would protect him.

Now, I sort of have a problem with this. Do you think it's wrong to have complete confidence or faith that God will protect your loved one? What if you husband is killed overseas? Then do you lose your faith and get angry at God, or do you just realize that faith you had in the firstplace was mis-placed? I have known great Christian women with great faith whose husbands are killed. It is a heartbreaking and heart-wrenching thing to hear about, and it has even brought me to tears hearing stories of young women with 8 week old babies whose husbands just got killed in action. But it happens. Did these women just not have enough faith? No, I don't think that can be the answer.

A lot of people have asked me how I cope with my husband being gone. Do I worry he'll be killed? I have complete peace about my husband being in Iraq (although of course I still have fears). But I don't find my peace in a faith that nothing will happen to him. I do believe my husband will stay safe on this deployment, but I also know that God gives and takes away. I find my peace in this: God has our days numbered. He knows how long each of us has on this earth. And if my husband's days will end in Iraq, I just have to trust the Lord that He knew that all along. My husband could just as easily die here in American in a car wreck or anything else any day. I just have to trust God that His timing for our lives is perfect.

I don't think it's right to feel invincible or to have complete confidence your loved one will stay safe. We don't know the future, and the sad truth is that men of great faith die young every day. God has not promised us an easy life or that we will live until we're 90 if we just have enough faith. But He has promised us that He has our days numbered and that He works all things to our good. And that is what we can trust in.

I do believe God will keep my husband safe, but I also have fears that He won't. But my peace to overcome those fears is that ultimately, I just have to trust Him. Overall I have a great peace about Nathan being gone, and I don't spend time everyday worrying about him dying. Someday, he will pass away. And while that is, undoubtedly, my biggest fear in the entire world, I know that God is bigger and better than my love even for my husband, and in this too I have to continue to surrender Nathan to the Lord.